I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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