I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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