If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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