I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
