what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I need to calm my uterus...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
