In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Boobs speak an international language.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
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