I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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