How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
