Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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