what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
