im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I have post one night stand depression
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
