Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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