So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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