Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
