This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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