Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We have started to decorate penises.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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