can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
