are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
