We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
