Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
