Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just gift wrapped bread.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize