I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
