While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
