You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
