Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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