I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
