You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize