Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Randomize
