I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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