Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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