Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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