sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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