I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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