Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
