They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
