You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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