Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
