Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
