Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
