I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
