WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize