I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
