Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
