I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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