Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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