So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
