Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
