I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
