apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize