all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
A+ Viking dick
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
