my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize