If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize