I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
