how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize