I'm lost and stupid without you.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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