my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
