I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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