Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
