he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
