oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
