I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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