If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
