Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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