dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
