Just fell off a train. Bad.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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