hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
