Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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