I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize