i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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