Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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